For years, I travelled around
kipping upon people’s floors
and crashing upon their settees.
I used to point to the top of my head
then swing my finger down to my feet
and say with a friendly smile
“Have you got this much space
on your ground because it is all
the hospitality that I need?”
In the Wintertime which is basically
half the year in Britain,
I would wear two coats
and when I layed down,
wherever I had ended up that night,
I would remove the top one
and wrap it around my legs,
Du-Duh, instantly warm and toasty.
(I’m quite clever like that!)
I even started to get a cauliflower ear
after awhile from the different heights,
sizes and textures of peoples furniture arms.
Good old days, really, when I look back,
mayhem and madness but lots of fun,
they started calling me ‘Pauly Two Coats’
When I finally got settled with my own
nice warm bed upstairs, for a few months
I still slept on the living room settee under…
well, you’ve guessed it, the same two coats.
Written by Paul Tristram
Available to buy via Lulu