“My God, you have hand marks
all over your torso,
I can actually make out the fingers,
how many of them were there?
You went out last night
with only £2:50 in your pocket,
I should know I gave it to you,
and you end up in the Cells
for Drunk and Disorderly
and there’s £15 in your property bag
this morning… wow, that’s magic!
You’ve chipped another tooth,
Ok it looks cute but why are you
always doing this to yourself?
You invented ‘Bar-surfing’
for Christ Sake, three of your friends
have been put in intensive care
because of it, not from the falls
but from the kicking’s the Bouncers
have given them straight afterwards.
Listen, stop asking me to pour
your breakfast for you, I’m late
for work and you need to lay down
before I’m sacked and you fall down!”
Written by Paul Tristram
Available to buy via Lulu