“Yes, I know it’s happened to everyone else.
I was the bachelor who’s settee
everyone would crash on when they were messed up.
I’ve seen proud, confident men broken apart
by beautiful, cold, mean, selfish Ex’s.
But I was careful, I took my time about it,
no one night stands for me, I wanted to court first…
I know it’s old fashioned but I like old fashioned.
I thought I had it sussed, I picked a plain looking partner,
who liked home cooking (Turns out eating it not baking it!)
Cares for animals (I stupidly included man in that equation!)
I settled, and I got butchered just like everyone else.
Except for a time they were partying and having fun,
snorting lines of cocaine off gorgeous strippers arses.
Whilst I was keeping myself in tact for a Dungaree Woman
…someone please just put me out of my misery!”
Written by Paul Tristram
Available to buy via Lulu